Although it is less than an hour left of this Monday in October I wanted to check in with you guys, update you on my life and share these beautiful songs, which has been with me all night. Stevie Wonder are amazing, and this song really get me in the atumn spirit. These are all sung by amazing artist, and they really inspire me.
Today was one of those weird kind of days, where I didn't sleep. And that made me stay home from school even though I was so into going today. Sleep really can change your day.
A few days ago a guys wrote to me. And I wrote back. He's really nice and all, but I really do not know. Me and my bff sat at hers today talking about him, as two bff's does, and i started thinking. Maybe i have bonding-issues. Maybe the reason why no guy is good enough for me is beacuase I'm frighten of being locked up. I love being free, and not having anyone tell me what to do or not to do. I watch my friends having fights and break-ups all the time, and the tears falling down their cheeks, and i'm maybe frighten of being that girl. I don't wanna have hard break ups or feeling like I'm in a prision. My bff jut got out of a prision-realationship (meaning she didn't do anything without him knowing and saying it's alright, and she couldn't have any male friends at all) and she've told me how free she is feeling, but she was stuck in over two years. Two years she could have been free. She is really regretful, and that makes me even more scared. I'm not one of those people who wanna look back at my life and regret the things I've done.
But love is an amazing drug, and this guy has made her very, very, very happy aswell. I've been by her side through their whole realtionship, and was it wrong by me not to tell her this was not human? That she deserved the best, and nothing less than the best. She does. And perhaps she has found it now, but in a diffrent guys, who is just the sweetest, and I can really see those small smiles she get whenever she speaks of him. She is in love. And that is what makes me wanna focus on making the realtionship between this guy and be the best. But then, there's something that makes me so frighten again. The fact that she was this in love with the prision guy aswell once. And back then he was the one who made her smile, and made her feel like she was the most beautiful girl in the world. I'm frighten that maybe, this guy i'm writing with will lock me in and make sure i got no life. I have a golden rule in friendship and love, an that is "Never change for anyone. Not friends or boyfriends. If they don't like you, leave. Don't become someone you're not" That is just what my bff had to say to me after her break up and me telling her about this boy. She is my love and i can't let anyone treat her bad, ever.
Can it really be, that I have issues and problems I've build up and made by myself in my head? And will they make me die single? I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never even kissed anyone. This guy says I owe him a kiss, don even ask why and he wanna meet me. Ofcourse I'm not going alone, never go alone. I'll have my bff and her new bf, and maybe her sis, and her sis's bf or more like crush. It'll be like a triple-date-thing, but the only thing that's killing me is that I'm not sure this guy is someone i wanna give my first kiss to. Or even have a relationship with. Things feel very wrong. When does these kind of things clear up? I though I was done with the teenager, chidish kind of stadium in my life, but i guess I'm not. I am feeling helpless, what should I do?